Ghostrain's Classroom

Ghostrain, this is your class room.


Student: Ghostrain

Tutor: WaruiChibi

Since you know me (Edge) then i guess there is no reason for introductions.

So, you have problems with RPing in 3rd person right ? Well, that will not be a difficult problem to solve.

Can i ask you to give me an example of your RPing ?

An example? Okay, here goes:
(Raiden walked down the 4th floor's right corridor, and stopped at the 3rd door. I've heard stories about this place. He thought as he stood in front of the door. Now everyone will know who I am, Raiden Kurosaki, ROFLCOPTER pilot, and the first alumni to brave room 473 He opened the door and saw...)
Raiden: What the hell! (Nosebleeds)

The part in parenthesis is more accurate to where I want it, and the last line is where I'm most comfortable with.

Hmmmm ...... the RP style itself is not bad but you need to drop the ()'s.

Let's see, the correct form should be:

Raiden was walking down the 4th floor's right corridor. He stopped at the 3rd door,stood infront of them and thought. I've heard stories about this place. Now everyone will know who i am, Raiden Kurosaki, ROFLCOPTER pilot and the first alumni to brave room 473. He opened the door and saw ...... "What the hell ?!" His nose started to bleed.

You see the difference ?

Definetly. Okay here's a follow-up:

Raiden slowly shut the door. He had seen too much. He ran down the three flights of stairs because he didn't want to wait for the elevator. Then, seeing Kari, he shouted to her: "I need a paper towel!" It was the first thing out of his mouth.

This one is much better but it is a bit short but don't concern yourself with lenght of the post just yet - we will work on that later. And i forgot to add the Italic effect to my last post when Raiden thought something.

Let's try to not use the periods so often, okay, here is how it should be:

Raiden slowly shut the door, he had seen too much. He ran down the three flights of stairs because he didn't wanted to wait for the elevator. When he saw Kari, he shouted at her. "Hey, i need paper towel !" It was the first thing that dropped out of his mouth.

Okay. this is mostly a dialouge scene:
Raiden finally caught his breath and smiled slyly, wiping his nose. "Now," he said, "do you want to know what's in room 473? The forbidden room with the 'curse' on it?"

Alright, this one is almost perfet.

Though it should be.

When Raiden finally caught his breath he smiled slyly while wiping his nose. "Now." He said. "Do you want to know what's in the room 473 ? The Forbidden room with the 'curse' on it ?"

Or

Raiden finally caught his breath and smiled slyly while wiping his nose and said. "Now, do you want to know what's in the room 473 ? The forbidden room with the 'curse' on it ?"

Though this form is not much used in the "3rd person" RPing.


You're getting better.

Okay. It was kinda short, I had a minor allergy attack, so I accidentally hit the send button. Okay, here goes:

Raiden took a deep breath, and said the one word that came to his mind: "Swimsuit." He was still in shock, and fell to the ground. His hands had become clammy and his forehead became sweaty. He looked up at Kari and said in shock "The curse is real!"

I see - well, i have little to add to this post. It is almost perfect.

This is just to show you how would i post it:

Raiden took a deep breath and said the first and only word that came to his mind. "Swimsuit." He was still in a state of shock and fell to the ground. His hands became clammy and his forehead was sweating. Raiden looked up at Kari and said. "The curse is real !" The tone of his voice hinted that he was in a shock.

Raiden tried to get to his feet, but once again fell to the ground, only more violently. He hit his head hard on the ground, and blacked out. He wasn't unconsious, but he realized he couldn't open his eyes. Wha...how did...why can't I gather my thoughts? he moaned in his head. Kari! Where'd you go? Where's Yumi, and Akira, and Minako? Tell them about the room....

That's great ! Only be aware of the Capital letters in 'he moaned'.

Alright, let's try a little RPing together.


Edge was walking around when he saw Raiden on the ground. He immediately ran towards him and kneeled beside him, checking his pulse. "Hey ?! Can you hear me ??!" He shouted in hope to wake Raiden up because he did not know that he was not unconcious. Edge grabbed Raiden's shoulders and shook him violently. "Hey !! Wake up !!" He shouted again.

Okay, here goes:

Kari was surprised. Her best friend, who she had known for eight years, was laying there, unconsious. "He's..." she started, but she couldn't finish her sentence. She couldn't believe Raiden was unconsious.

Alright - this was great, a little short but that will do for now - also, you forgot to write capital letter in the 'she started' part.

Edge looked up at the girl. "What ?! What happened to him ?!" He said a bit anxiously and continued in his effort to wake Raiden up, after failing to do so - Edge stood up and looked at the girl again. "What happened to him ?!" He was a bit rought with people and he was not the one for thinking before saying something.

Kari broke down. She hadn't cried in years, not once since she was 4. But she finally released her sadness. "Raiden is unconsious! He told me that the curse on room 473 is real! We have to find a way to break the curse...somehow." Please help me! she thought. She was scared for her life, and for Raiden's.

That was perfect.


Edge raised his eyebrows. "Curse ? Nonsense, there is no such thing as a curse." He replied and put his hand on her shoulder. "Come on, we have to get him to the doctor." With this, he picked up Raiden and carried him to the doctor. "Come on." He said once again, hinting the girl to follow him. Luckly, the doctor was on the same floor.

Kari followed Edge, feeling a strange need to vomit the whole time. Her head continually alternated between feeling light and heavy. Her legs felt weak. Help me escape this madness. She thought. Where can I go from here?

Edge 'delievered the package' to the doctor and told him about what happened, of course, not mentioning what Kari said about the cursed door. When he walked out of the room he looked at Kair. "Alright, what door ?" He asked. "Did he said anything about why this happened to him ?" Edge still did not believed that it was a curse but he had to know why this happened to him.

Kari sat down on the ground and began her story. "Raiden said that he had gone up to room 473 and opened the door. They said that the room was cursed, but when he looked in, he saw swimsuit models. Then he ran down to me, and his nose was bleeding. He told me what he saw, and then he collapsed." Kari threw up after saying "collapsed".

Edge listened to her 'story' about what happened to Raiden with patience and interest. They said that the room was cursed, alright - but Edge always took it as nothing but a fairy tale to scare people away from that room. "Swimsuit models ?" He asked just before Kari threw up, his eyes widened and he quickly kneeled down beside her. "Hey, are you alright ?!" He exlaimed.

"Not at all." She said faintly, and she tried to get to her feet. Why am I cursed too? She thought as she got on all fours. Why me?

Edge quickly helped her to get up. "Come on, you need to see the doctor." He said and led her to the doctor, what was this ? Some kind of epidemic disease ? Edge was not sure but it seemed that whatever it was, it was not to be taken lightly.

Kari reached in her pocket for her phone. "I have to call Yumi!" she said, exasperated. "Raiden would want me to call her." She threw up again, and felt even more faint.

Alright, this will be my last post today. - You did great and you are really improving, tomorrow we will focus on the lenght of your posts.

Edge raised his left eyebrow, she just threw up and she still wants to call someone ? She should see the doctor immediately. When she threw up again, Edge supported her and opened the door to the doctor. "That's it, come on." He said with a bit of anger in his tone.

Kari stumbled into the hospital and fell onto a cart. As the docter wheeled her off, she said one thing before she passed out. "Thank you."

Alright, that was great - you are learning quickly.


Let's move on - Now, we will try to improve the lenght of the posts. There are some aspects that you could use in making a long post:

1 - Grasp every possibility there is, think about what's around you in the RP.

2 - Describe every action with most detail.

For example:

You can write - Edge was taking a stroll in the park when he bumped into his old friend. "Whoa .... hey ... You !! I haven't seen you in years, pal." He said.

But that is a little short, no ? Then let's try improving it a little, enriching it.

It was a beautiful day, Edge was taking a stroll in the park. The birds were singing, the trees were whispering, the morning breeze was soothing. Edge was looking around while walking, admiring every tree that was around him but he did not seen where he was going and bumped into someone. "Whoa !" Edge exlaimed and took a step back. "S-sorry ..... hey ... Joe ? Is that you ?" He asked and a smile began to grow on his face. "Joe, man, i haven't seen you in years, where were you ?" He asked.